Copyright 1996 Catalyst (Highlands) Ltd.for Coran Pratt, The Crystal Haggis
Pages not designed by Websplater
The weekly Horoscope (when I get the chance).
by Coran Pratt the worlds leading authority in crap!
Here is the boring old grey and dull LOW BANDWIDTH page which contains NO graphics so don't complain!!....
The Cheap Seats Version
To be honest if you like pages that look like this I don't know why you bother with the Web. But since you're here and because you want to know what the future has in store for you then I guess you had better pick your birth sign.
But first....
Capricorn the Genius
Everyone knows that Capricorns are fantastic lovers. They are unbelievably brilliant people with an astonishing sense of reality. If you want to know more about Capricorns and what is in store or them over the next week, just clik on the name....
Aries the Sheep
Follow anyone! Is the moto for Aries. When placed in a difficult situation they will just bleet like a wee lost lamb.. Click the name and find the future (although I don't know why you would even want to know - you'll just end up picking someone else's sign and say that it's you!).
Virgo the Virgin
Your certainly not the person who would say "I'll try anything once".. more like "I'll never try anything at all because I can't think for myself and I'm too sared of everything that there is... Click for more.
Cancer the Growth on the backside of a Lobster
"A royal pain in the arse!".. click for more useless info and a totaly precise prediction for your future.
Libra the Boring Librarian
Like the name says - boring! When I sit at this keyboard to bring you the words of wisdom handed down to me from the great Haggis on Ben Wyvis, I always wonder why I even bother writing your one.. but I do!
Taurus the Cow
Smart, bright, clever? certainly not! Typical cows herd together or warmth and support, never get trapped in a room with one as not only do they drive you up the wall - but they smell too.. click or your future if you dare!
Gemini the Dual Personality
First this way and then that way.. you can never make your mind up, and the chances are that you will sit for a few minutes before you decided to click the name for your future!
Leo the Kitten
Often reffered to as Leo the Lion. Rubbish. There is nothing within you that can compare to a Lion! Lions are big hairy creatures that eat other animals and have lots of mates.... count yourself lucky if you even HAD one ever!..
Scorpio the Prat
Domesticated creatures that annoy everyone to the point that they are about as popular as boils on yer bum! They very rarely go out, more often than not because they don' remember how to! wnat to know your future..?
Sagitarius the Arse
Constantly screwing things up? want to know how not to? Too bad .. these pages are only going to tell you what you are going to mess up in the future.. it's up to you to try and avoid the inevitable!
Aquarius the Waste of Time
..and waste of skin. If you could peel an Aquarian then all you would find is rotten smelly stuff underneath.. unfortunately my campaign to rid the world of the Aquarius star sign didn't work and your still here.. but do you have a future????
Pisces the Stinking Rotten Fish
If you take two letters out of the name of your star sign you'll find what you are really worth to the human race.. but maybe - just maybe - this week you'll have something to look forward to.. but I doubt it!
Why not read my fantastic " Readers Insulting Letters Page".. It's full of arse licking emails and general dogs abuse..
If you would like to write to me and tell me what you think of these pages.. and more importantly write some email which will potentially harm me or cause me great emotional distress then please write to letters@catalyst-highlands.co.uk and subject your email "Stuff for Coran".
OH.. I almost forgot.. these pages are the property of me and anyone found even slightly copying them are in for big time legal action... I did it before and I'll do it again!!! (and there is a graphic on the cheap pages... ok - so I forgot about it! Big Deal)
Copyright 1996 Catalyst (Highlands) Ltd.
for Coran Pratt, The Crystal Haggis
Pages not designed by Websplater
The weekly Horoscope (when I get the chance).
by Coran Pratt the worlds leading authority in crap!
Nota Bender: Catalyst (Highlands) Ltd. take no responsibility for anything that I write in these pages and all they do is provide me with Web Space and copyright endorcement. Although I am not a responsible person I take full credit for these pages, and rightly so, since I did all the work in the first place! So stick that in yer pipe and smoke in it! Big Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!