I must say that I do love it when people write to me.. it helps me to know that I'm not the only sad person in the world! .. Remember if you want to write to me.. about anything you like.. I'll pop them into this page.. try to be as insulting or as horribly nice as you can be..
I'll write you back!! foretold is forewarned!! Oh! .. and by the way.. this is where I'll be putting your LINKS too..
All email to letters@catalyst-highlands.co.uk and subject them .. "Stuff for Coran!".
DEAR CORAN....
Await no longer, Coran dear, for Fox has returned. I must say the editors of Highlander are quite intelligent cutting down the size of your scopes. Now you can take ten minutes of your busy schedule (holidaying, watching the telly and testing the patience of all you come into contact with) to write a month's worth of these tiny scopes.
Now for your scolding. Aquarians a waste of flesh? I think not. Because
without we future seekers (and seers) the rest of you would be stuck in
a rut. Och! But what am I saying.. you ARE stuck in a rut, which is why
we Aquarians exist. Do you see a vicious circle forming, muirmin?
Contributing again,
Fox
DEAR CORAN....
Well it is darn well about time!!! Your "five days and counting" lasted
for weeks, proving that you have added to your non accomplishments of
gramar and spelling, the total inability to tell time!!! It's lucky for
you that I am a forgiving flounder and willing to listen to all tall fish
tales.
Jamie
DEAR CORAN....
Hey, you lazy bastard!!! what the hell are you doing instead of giving us our daily Horror-scope?
Monica
DEAR CORAN....
Well now dear, i am a sheep.(aries) And in truth i have always dreamed of being a flight attendant, however, I am not at all a bore!So while your arian horror scope was enlightening in some ways it fails in all others to be at all correct. have a good one----day, beer, whatever.
web page: http://www.themall.net/~shasta
Shasta
DEAR CORAN....
Coran, shame. If anyone else could write the Crystal Haggis, I'd say turn it over to someone who could do it regularly, but "...nobody does it better...". April 30! indeed. Where's the new one?
DEAR CORAN....
hey what's up coran, I'm hailing from the good ol' U S of A. I'm new to the net so I was just messin around and I saw your horror scope thing. you're pretty funny, I like you, you're a silly scot. Scottish people are
cool, you have the best accents. my cat Moonstone says hi.
your new friend,
DEAR CORAN....
Uh-oh, Coran, you'd best be careful. You wouldn't want to be responsible for someone's heart attack. In other words, the shock of your being on the money about something could be dangerous to us. You
actually said something right in your horrorscope for Cancers. My lucky color really IS green.
jaime
DEAR CORAN....
Damn right about us Capricorns, Coran! Of COURSE we are the most beautiful people in the universe.
It's because we are always smiling.
Carol O'Toole
DEAR CORAN....
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I WAS ACTUALLY SEARCHING FOR INFO. ON THE EFFECTS OF
LEGISLATING FOR SAME-SEX MARRIAGES ON AUSTRALIAN LAW (ALWAYS A GREAT WAY
TO SPEND A SUNDAY EVENING) WHEN I FOUND 'THE CRYSTAL HAGGIS' (Hmm).
STILL, ITS NICE TO KNOW SOMEONE WHO WEARS A KILT THINKS CAPRICORNS ARE
BRILLIANT - LIFE CAN NOW GO ON. ANYWAY, BACK TO THE BLOODY MARRIAGE
ACT....
poppy
DEAR CORAN....
I found the Pisces 'scope about the woman in the green car gross but entertaining! Certainly shows that what you occupy your mind with does relate to "slime". I cannot understand why people would be grossed out by such a piece of englightened journalism!
Tell us, how many times a day do you need to clean your mirror? Obviously the kisses your reflection receives must be multitudinous!
Keep up the hilarious work, it's entertaining in a world that needs more to laugh about. So glad you don't take yourself seriously (or maybe, horrors, you do!) MEL---DINNA BE ASKIN' THIS MAN TO BE IN YER NEXT MOVIE--HE'LL BE TRYIN' TO UPSTAGE YE! By the way, tell us what scene your fishing buddy was in, I'm sure we'd all like to be able to judge (although our humble opinions wouldn't mean much to you) of how the scene "made" the movie, and how this person became Oscar material.
Rebecca
DEAR CORAN....
Thank you for making my day. Today was my birthday. I read your horrorscopes and almost killed myself laughing. Although I think that Capricorns all have too little brains to be a threat, I still think that your general opinions of them have been correct. I am a taurian, so I was suprised when our lucky color was green.
DEAR CORAN....
Words do not/cannot describe how hysterically funny we found the information and advice and outlook contained in the horrorscopes! My daughter and I laughed ourselves silly reading them. (A side benefit: a lot of the phlegm that was stuck in my lungs has been brought up, I was laughing so hard. No, really--we had a good time AND I'm breathing a lot better!)
We'll be back--often--so do please try to find time to do the updates! MARVELOUSLY FUNNY STUFF!
Please consider us as friends (unless this is either too insulting/not insulting enough),
DEAR CORAN....
You asked for it this time. Fox is back and both flattered and ticked off. (yes, I can do more than one thing at a time) Flattered because I not only made it to the Great Haggis's letter page, but also into the scopes themselves.
You didn't actually ask for my number, now did you? And after the way you battered my poor sign (which is not Taurus), do you truly think I'd give it to you? Maybe, but only if you ask nicely.
Who are you calling slow, goat~boy? It didn't take me three weeks to get my job done, did it? Holiday, sakes. Some of us were waiting ever so patiently for the wise words of the Great Haggis and you were
dwadling on the beaches of Spain, and you call me slow. And since when are BIMBOs expensive???
No, actually, my nickname is Fox. So neither one of us actually exists. Speaking of which, if you are truly so beautiful, Coran the Capricorn, why do you not include a real photo of yourself?
still reading the Haggis...
P.S. If this continues, Coran, I'll be a regular contributor to YOUR page.
DEAR CORAN....
WHY HASN'T YOUR PAGE BEEN UPDATED???? MY FRIENDS AND I ARE WAITING FOR OUR HORROR SCOPES. I AM A PERSON BORN UNDER A COW. MY FRIENDS ARE PIECES, CAPRICORN, LEO, GEMINI, TWO OTHER TAURIANS, AND AN AQUARIUS. PLEASE, PLEASE, UPDATE YOUR HOROSCOPES. WE ARE DYING FOR THEM.
PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-D
DEAR CORAN....
Yes, I am a taurus. We are not THAT increadably boring are we? If you think so then you must be a capricorn. The most screwed up sign in the world. Of course, I know that ALL capricorns aren't bad, but
the majority are.
The only thing I have to say now is"***PARDON ME***
DEAR CORAN....
Alright Coran, you want SOMETHING... you got it! First of all, the horror~scope for Pisces was disgusting..
DEAR CORAN....
Au Contraire, Coran! We do, indeed, know what others are talking about. We just don't think drivel deserves a response. But since I'm a gently-bred lady, I'll deign to answer you. The reason you don't know what I'm talking about is because you lack the significant mental powers of which I am possessed. Which is not to say that you aren't possessed. But enough of that. May I inquire as to why you have a
particular vendetta against people born in July? You seem to reserve the major potion of your spleen for us. Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much. (That's in the nature of a challenge, by the way).
Well, dear Coran, here's hoping spring finds you, there in your highlands.
DEAR CORAN....
Oh Corran, it was a nice try, baiting us crabs in hopes of getting our backs up. But it won't work, because we are indeed "smarmy and nice." So your effort was wasted but you have our deepest sympathy. But since you seem to be a Capricorn I'm sure you'll keep trying. On a more positive note, were you watching when Braveheart won five Academy Awards on Monday night, including Best Picture?
Alba gu bragh!
DEAR CORAN....
I just put in the most butt-kissing entry the guys at "top 5%" ave ever seen, all about your page. Be thankful. VERY thankful.
Sincerely (or not, depending who's asking)
DEAR CORAN....
Greetings, Just dropped in, was curious as to what the motherland was raking out. There really are only 12 types of people on this planet?
cu.
Joanne Walker.
DEAR CORAN....
Where's the new horroscopes, ya bloody-great pilloc!
Yours in Christ,
Michael J Simpson
DEAR CORAN....
I don't know why people would send you insulting e mail about your Crystal Haggis. I find them very entertaining. I throughly enjoy your tongue-in-cheek dry humor. Keep up the good work.
Stacy King
DEAR CORAN....
Corran, I think you're absolutely right on target with your insightful horoscopes. They describe everybody I know to a tee--even your Wonderful and Beautiful Capricorns, for after all, Mel Gibson is a Capricorn--except when it comes to Cancers. Obviously, in this one instance you're allowing your
personal jealousies to overshadow what you know to be the truth. Please attend to this before next week's publication.
signed, Coran's Rich Astrological Benefactress
DEAR CORAN....
Thank you,Coran, for your inspired words. I'm taking them very much to heart. Indeed, when my husband comes home and wonders where his supper is, I'll refer him to the Oracle of the Haggis. You were telling me that Cancers SHOULDN'T cook, right?
With heartfelt gratitude, jj in California.
DEAR CORAN....
Coran, how many cups of coffee did you have today?
DEAR CORAN....
Hello!
I just want to thank you for the horoscope. I know I'm not supposed to take it seriously, but it still made my
day.
DEAR CORAN....
Just wanted to let you know how....Oh how shall I put this....interesting your horror-scopes are!!! You seem to have a wonderful sense of humor... which is definetly in shortage in the States.Keep up the comedy and the good work!!!
Nikki
DEAR CORAN....
Who are you? You claim to be the world's best, but you're not! You're the best in the UNIVERSE. Please never stop this page, ha ha ha ha ha, I thought it was great and am looking forward to next weeks.
Yours whenever you want.
DEAR CORAN....
Get a life man, you really should go out more. I must admit though, you are just as good as the rest of them out there who write these kind of columns. When I can think of something more insulting to write I'll be sure to let you know.
IS THAT THE BEST YOU LOT CAN DO OUT THERE!??!?!?! .. You are all to nice.. Come on, pick it up a bit, I know your all pretty brain dead anyway but surely someone can be funny or humourous or insulting or Something!!!
WELL, THE FOX HAS RETURNED!.. TAKING UP THE GAUNTLET FOR THE INSULT CHALLENGE???
THE REASON THE SCOPES ARE SO SMALL IS BECAUSE YOU DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING 'BIGGER'
AS FOR BEING STUCK IN A RUT... ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE STUCK IN A RUT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT... AQUARIANS AREN'T THERE BECAUSE WE ARE STUCK IN A RUT.. THEY ARE THE RUT THAT WE ARE ALL STUCK IN... WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD SOMEONE STUCK IN YER RUT!!!??????
ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT.. TIME IS AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT ANYWAY.. AND IF YOU KNEW THAT THEN YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE INTO THE FUTURE THE WAY I DO..
how do you think we can live without this?
A very sad Crystal haggis fan.
WELL, I HAVE BEEN A BUSY WEE MAN, LOTS OF NEW GRAPHICS AND NEW PAGES!!... AND THEY WERE NEVER DAILY!! GOD FORBID!
I need a laugh!
I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT NOW THEY'RE HERE... THE ALL NEW PAGES.. THE ONE'S YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!
Sanguine.
Try not to do that again.
THE NERVE!!!... ALL MY WORDS ARE CAREFULY PICKED AND ARE AS TRUE AS THE DAYS IS LONG.... AND BY THE WAY GREEN IS NEVER LUCKY...
The reason? Because we were all born in the winter months.
Winter months mean long hours indoors and alternative indoor sports... go figure.
Capricorns make the best lovers. Hence the smile. Hence the dazzling beauty. QED.
ENOUGH SAID!! .. BUT I USUALLY ONLY REFER TO ME IN THAT PART OF THE HOROSCOPES!
(oh horrors, gasp, a SCORPIO!)
You are the King Of Insults. Or some would say The King Of Truths.
Oh well, Thanx again.
John David McCuen
Ceres, California, USA, Earth, Solar System, etc., etc., etc...
(Sad, isn't it, when other people think that there's the slightest chance that they, too, might be funny?)
> and for that girl who wrote in asking if I was single.. you never
> gave me your phone number!!!!
> Compact, colourful and expensive.. but slow...
> Fox... Fox!! is that your name???? ... FOX!!!! ..
>No chance!!! Do you think I'm nuts!!??
FOX~
THIS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU READ THE HAGGIS AND THEN WRITE TO ME!!!! AND IF YOU ARE STILL OUT THERE 'OH FOXY ONE' THEN I AWAIT WITH BAITED BREATH YOUR REPLY... LETS TURN IT INTO A WEB PAGE ALL OF IT'S OWN???
IT HAS.. BUT IF YOU'RE READING THIS THEN YOU'RE ON THE WRONG PAGE!! .. AND STOP SHOUTING!!!!
DON'T BE STUPID.. OF COURSE YOU ARE!
I'M GLAD YOU NOTICED! THANK YOU!
...downright revolting, but it does bring to mind a question... where were you parked while watching this woman in the green car pick her nose? Do you make it a habit to watch enviously while others engage in replusive behavior? And since when are Capricorns are beautiful, wonderful people? Here I thought
them to be cranky old goats... when were you last milked, Coran? Otherwise, your horror~scopes are just that... horror~ble!! No forecast, no hindsight. As an astrologer, you are the poorest example I've yet to come across! FLATTERY!! .. I LOVE IT. TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS.. I WAS SITTING AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS... YES I ALWAYS MAKE A HABBIT OF IT... CAPRICORNS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WONDERFUL - MEL GIBSON IS A CAPRICORN AS WAS WILLIAM WALLACE (STILL WANT TO ARGUE?).. AS FOR THE'MILKING'.. THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS...
However... as a person... you're still bad! Are you married perchance? DO YOU THINK SOMEONE WOULD MARRY ME???? NICE ONE HAHAHAHAHA
a reader of the Haggis... Fox YES YOU MAY INQUIRE... AND THE ANSWER IS THAT I HAVE A PERSONAL VENDETTA AGAINST EVERYONE WHO HAS A BIRTHDAY IN THE SUMMER TIME!!!! ..... I'M GLAD THAT YOU REALISE THAT IT IS 'MY HIGHLANDS'...
From the desert canyons of southern California, I remain,
jaime I'M GLAD YOU FEEL YOU CAN REMAIN YOURSELF - IT'S QUITE IMPORTANT TO DO THAT YOU KNOW!
Have a "foine" week. jj YES MR GIBSON THE CAPRICORN GOT 5 OSCARS.. BUT I DIDN'T SEE HIM CALLING ME UP AND ASKING IF I WANTED ONE... SO HE CAN TAKE HIS OSCARS AND KEEP THEM... I WOULDN't HAVE TAKEN ONE FROM HIM ANYWAY... BY THE WAY... MY FISHING BUDDY IS IN BRAVEHEART WITH A WHOLE SCREEN SHOT ALL TO HIMSELF... BUT I DIDN'T SEE HIM GETTING AN OSCAR!!!!... AND HIS SCENE, FOR ME ANYWAY, MADE THE FILM WHAT IT WAS....
Virginia MacConachie WELL AS YOU CAN SEE VIRGINIA - NO BADGE - YOU'RE NOT THAT GREAT A BUTT-KISSER..(NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW)... BUT IT WAS WORTH A TRY... CREEP!!! :o)
NO!.. THERE IS ONLY ONE - ME!
Very nicely designed page you have constructed. What are your eventual plans mon haggis? PROBABLY TO HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT AND THEN MAYBE WATCH SOME TV!! OH.. DID YOU MEAN LONG TERM? .. SAME ANSWER THEN ISN'T IT!
I will try to follow your page for its humor - something our planet lacks much of. MICHEAL J SIMPSON EH? .. SOUNDS LIKE SOMEKIND OF CLONE!! .. HOMER GOES BACK TO THE FUTURE??? DOH! I THINK WE SHOULD ALL EMAIL HIM AND ASK HIM??? djsimpso@nyx.csu.du.edu
PS-I am a Cancer, and I make it my business to mind my own business. (I learned this the hard way)
I HAD SIX
I just want to let you know that most of what you said about us Sags is true. I don't have many friends and I'm not sure it's due only to personal prefernce. What to do?!
GET A LIFE
I love your site!
I KNOW - WHO DOESN'T?
Lorna, Australia.NOT ANOTHER ONE - I'VE HAD HUNDREDS ALREADY THIS WEEK
Take me back to the cheap 'scopes please
THIS PAGE IS MAINTAINED AND HOUSED COURTESY OF HIGHLANDER WEB MAGAZINE - THANKS FOR GIVING ME A HOME AS THAT OLD BOX WAS GETTING ME DOWN.