A I R - S I G N S

click your sign name to skip to the future.....

What is an 'Air Sign'?

An air sign usually relates to wind bags... yes they can't stop talking, and of course the inevitable - 'farting'.
If you've been having a longterm relationship with someone, and then decide that it's a good idea to sleep around and pick up some exotic diseases, then you can be sure that it's an air sign that grasses you off to your loved one. This of course makes them the mot unlikely people to be having affairs as they would have an uncontrolable urge to grass on them selves and the person they are having the affair with.

Totally untrustworthy, not even worth the air that they use up, and in act they should all be put on an island somewhere and left to get on with it. They would be the best candidates for colonizing Mars - the further away the better!

Traits of Air Signs are:

They gossip - they fart (a lot) - you can't trust them - you can't rely on them, and you can spot one a mile away because they have little or no sense of fashion.
In short, all Air Signs should be renamed and called 'Waste Signs' because the produce far too much fertilizer. Terminal verbal diarrhea!

... the Dual Personality

This weeks 'Lucky Colour' : Black Eye Blue
This weeks 'Lucky Number' : 1.25 pounds
Things to avoid this week : Picking your nose
Your future for the week ahead:

Get a life! - When was the last time someone said that to you - apart from me just saying "get a life" just now, and of course that time too. You can't remember! - well that just goes to show you two things. One your a liar becuase I just said it to you three times in under a few seconds ago - and Two your so used to hearing it that you can't remember!
1997 - get a new job! get a new car! get a new house infact get a new life! better still make a point next year of simply trying for once to get a life!

... the Boring Librarian

This weeks 'Lucky Colour' : Regurgitated Boiled Banana Yellow (brown actually)
This weeks 'Lucky Number' : 999 - the number of the beast
Things to avoid this week : Watching paint dry.
Your future for the week ahead:

Actually watching paint dry is going to becom an Olypic event next time around.
What's new with that I hear you ask - the whole televised event is like watching paint dry - I hope they get a few million gold medals made becuase they'll have to give them all out to those like me who sit up until 5am watching the thing!
And talking about fishing - next you go out in your car - remeber - Petrol!! It's what makes it go better.
Last night when I was in the middle of an orgy with 800 nude super models I began to think about what's in store for you in 1997 - all I could think of was OH MY GOD - OH YES - OH MY GOD - OH YES OH YES UGH UGH UGH...
make of that what you will!

... the Waste of Time

This weeks 'Lucky Colour' : The same colour as a Compact Disk
This weeks 'Lucky Number' : 69
Things to avoid this week : ME
Your future for the week ahead:

When people ask me - Coran - "who the hell do you think you are?" I just tell them the story of the man, the monkey, the 12 inch cucumber and the teenage nun.
I'll spare you the details but it ends when the nun says "..and that's when I realised it was the monkey's 12 inches!"
You might be wondering what this has to do with you - your future - and even the question in the first place. Well the answer is NOTHING.
But it does go to show that you don't need the full story to enjoy the punch line!
1997 - stop reading the Crytsal Haggis because it's actually very poor and not at all acurate!